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Hey guys, I was just wondering if any of you are willing to help me with my video game outline. I love Final Fantasy, and I've always wondered what it would be like if a different installment in the Final Fantasy franchise to appear with a general plot like this:
Spoiler:
The main character Zero Vacitani and the princess of Eden, Daniella Delacreaux are trying to spend time with each other before the New Harvest Moon which is when an animal sacrifice is purified for the goddess of harmony as an offering for her protection. It is also the time of the Harvest Moon Festival, a celebration for another year of the goddess's protection. Zero is trying to spend time with Daniella before the New Harvest Moon because on that day and for the rest of the week, he will not be able to see her. Zero is also trying to express his deep feelings for Daniella but Daniella herself is trying to keep her deep feelings hidden due to her shy nature.
On the night before the New Harvest Moon, she is kidnapped by a demi-Phantom named Shy'ryn, the god of chaos's right hand guy. The god of chaos is trying to kill the princess and Zero at the same time just to watch misery and discord unfold within the city of paradise, Eden. He has his henchman, a demi-Phantom (a half monster-half human being that has the ability to curse human beings and other creatures to turn them into demi-Phantoms, warriors and slaves for the god of chaos) kidnap the princess as a way to ruin the New Harvest Moon and to spur chaos within the city of Eden. The henchman Shy'ryn unleashes an army of Phantoms, whole monsters that are able to easily curse humans and other creatures to turn them into demi-Phantoms (compared to demi-Phantoms themselves), and orders them to attack Eden. Zero, who lives in the outskirts of Eden, senses the hoard of Phantoms. His best friend, Train Vexal, notifies him of the princess's kidnapping. Zero springs into action with Train and they fight the Phantoms, keeping them away from the city.
Meanwhile, Eden sends in Midknights, soldiers who have a magical connection to the goddess of harmony, to find their princess. Daniella's sister, Yeng, who was disowned by their father, was not originally sent to find the princess but is compelled to do so. She goes against orders to defend Eden and searches for her sister. Yeng's companion, a blind half-feral named Conall, tags along with her, also going against orders to make sure Yeng remains safe. Yeng and Conall are some of the Midknights' high-ranking elite soldiers, and for them to go against orders is an offense. The king notifies another high-ranking elite, Roxor, to capture Yeng and Conall and bring them back to Eden.
As Zero and Train fend off the Phantoms, Shy'ryn catches Zero's attention. A Behemoth Phantom strikes at Zero who is off-guard, but Train takes the blow instead. Surprise, Zero suddenly goes to Train's aid, but Train tells him to continue onward to find Daniella. He refuses, but Train points his sword at him to change his mind. Zero moves forward to look for Daniella as Train remains behind to stop the Phantoms.
Zero fights on his own through the Phantoms, and while he fights alone, Yeng and Conall fight alongside each other to find their own way to Daniella. He notices that Yeng had been making rash decisions ever since she found out Daniella was kidnapped and tells her that she must keep a clear head. She does not care about that and continues to fight out of rage, mindlessly. After fighting many large-bodied Phantoms, Yeng catches a glimpse of Shy'ryn carrying Daniella. Daniella catches a glimpse of Yeng, and Yeng sees her shed a tear. With a clear mind, she watches the two continue out of reach. She desperately tries to chase them, but Roxor stands in her way. Yeng and Conall try to outsmart Roxor so they can continue searching for Daniella, and they succeed, but Roxor ends up chasing them - he is the faster out of the two unfortunately, so they do not get that far.
Zero finds Shy'ryn and chases after him and eventually catches up to him, but the two then battle against each other with Daniella as the reward. Shy'ryn strikes at Zero's chest and curses him, turning him into a demi-Phantom without his knowledge. Hoping that Zero would kill Daniella, he pits her against the demi-Phantom Zero and watches from afar. He attacks her, slashing her in the cheek with his sword. Realizing what he had done, he snaps out of it, and watches the blood drip from Daniella's cheek. With Shy'ryn's plan fooled, he plans to kill them with his own hands, but he suddenly senses Midknights approaching - Yeng, Conall and Roxor were coming near. Shy'ryn escapes via portal and leaves Daniella and Zero in their own misery.
Yeng, Conall and Roxor enter the scene, and Yeng quickly believes that Zero was the one that kidnapped and harmed Daniella. She fights with Zero and then forbids him to see Daniella ever again. On the sidelines, Roxor scolds Conall, telling him the consequences of their actions. Conall accepts the consequences but asks him if he also sense Shy'ryn's presence - a very dark presence compared to the Phantoms. Roxor agrees and says that it may not have been completely gone - the Phantoms were still out there heading towards Eden, and they still needed to be stopped. Before Yeng and Zero could get carried away with their verbal confrontation, Roxor arrests the two and orders Conall to keep Daniella by his side. They return to the king's castle to regroup before having to return to the battleground to fight the Phantoms.
Meanwhile, Train is not holding up so well with the Phantoms. In fact, he is so exhausted that he could no longer fight. Two Behemoth Phantoms attempt to attack him, but they suddenly stand down. Shy'ryn appears by Train's side. Shy'ryn had ordered the Behemoth Phantoms to stop and struck a deal with Train: he offered him eternal power to fight the Phantoms if he gave him a drop of his blood. Train accepted and showed him his blood-stained sword. Shy'ryn chuckles for a moment and grasps the blade. Suddenly, he pushes the blade towards Train, and the scene goes black. Blood drips onto the ground as well as the sword, the tip of the blade not visible in the scene. Train lies unconscious, and Shy'ryn is standing over him, smirking. A shadow substance forms near Train's shoulders, his head not visible in the scene.
At the king's castle, the king himself scolds Yeng and Conall for abandoning their posts in the city's time of need. Yeng tells him that her sister's safety and well-being is more important than the city, but she is silenced by Roxor's backhand on her back. As the king comes up with a sentence for Yeng and Conall, Daniella sits on her bed, guarded by several Midknights with one standing by the window in her room. She cries silently, traumatized by what Zero had done to her. The king tells Yeng and Conall that they were ordered to remain in lock-down for the rest of the New Harvest Moon week. They solemnly accepted their fate, and two other Midknights escorted the two to their cells. The king then scolds Zero for attacking the princess. Zero tells the king that it was not his fault and that something came over him. The king mocks Zero.
In Daniella's room, a shadowy substance forms by the guards feet...
The king notices Zero's gold eyes and demi-Phantom facial markings. He tells Zero that he was a demi-Phantom and that it was in the nature of a demi-Phantom to harm and kill.
Back in Daniella's room, the shadowy substance consumes the guard by her window, and Daniella sits on her bed, frozen by fear. The guards by her door try to come in, but they are silently killed by a figure clad in blue and orange, wearing a yellow helmet with ears - his face not visible. He enters the room and locks the door behind him. Out of the shadowy substance, Shy'ryn rises and walks towards Daniella. He says to her that he has unfinished business with her. Shy'ryn grabs Daniella's wrist, and she screams for dear life.
The king sentences Zero to death, and stunned, Zero snaps at the king. Two more Midknights quickly restrain Zero and attempt to escort him to his cell. Zero walks past Roxor and he asks him why he had the same gold eyes and markings and why he was not punished. Suddenly, they all hear Daniella's scream.
As she screams for her life, for her savior to come, Shy'ryn leaves a note on her pillow and the two disappear into a portal as the figure clad in blue leaves her room by going out the window...
Tell me what you guys think of the plot so far, and if you are interested in helping me out with this little project, please message me! I am currently trying to come up with the solid background information for the main characters, so if you're wondering what I have written down for them right now, go ahead and comment if you wanna know. This is just a project - it's not gonna be published, don't worry, especially you people who already hate the game's plot already. If you have any questions, comment here!
"Eden" and "Zero" are way overused in everything,be it games or anime.
Try being a bit more creative.
Daniella Delacreaux is just ugly and i doubt anyone will remember the character positively with a name like that,it reminds me of duodecim in terms of bad naming,especially on a main heroine.
Heroines should have smooth and beautiful names,even Cruella de Vil sounds better than this.
Anyway i don't mean to be offensive,i am just stating my opinion and u know how opinions are,so don't take it the bad way.
Well, I really like the name "Zero" though his last name I am more than willing to change.
Also, "Eden" - I just wanna have that Square Enix feel, like they make names reoccur in the Final Fantasy installment. For example, Palamecia is a recurring name - it's a ship and a location; Palumpolum - it's a location and the names of the two brothers from FFIV combined. I just wanna add that recurring feeling, ya know? I thought that "Eden" (the name of a fal'cie and a city of Cocoon in FFXIII) can keep recurring and bring that paradise feel to another city.
And "Daniella Delacreaux" - feel free to give some names that could replace "Daniella Delacreaux."
Lastly... how is the plot so far? Is it "okay?" Drab? Too non-Final-Fantasy-like? Too stupid?
Well i noticed that there is no back story or background information for the main/supportive characters,like why is A princess and Zero together,how did they meet and why are they so close.
They are just there suddenly meeting each other, trying to spend some time together
while the MC is searching for the right time to confess his apparent feelings.
It is kinda unnatural in my opinion and i dont find the reason to care for two people i barely know anything about,i just need to know who these characters are,exactly who is Zero (i know more about Yangs past than i know of his past) and why is he with the princess,i just believe the intro is kinda rushed.
Now i understand that this is not everything you have in mind and i am sure (or at least hope) that you have a solid backstory on how those two are connected but i just had to throw this out there just in case.
Another thing i noticed is that God of chaos is really just an asshole with no real meaning to his actions,i mean yea okay he is "GOD OF CHAOS" he doesn't need any reason to bring chaos
he is just doing it for the shits and giggles,but i dont feel right with this.
I guess its more of a personal preference,i like the main Villains to have many layers under them and real reasons behind their actions but as i said i can perfectly understand him doing this for no real reason given that he is the God of Chaos,but still him killing the princess (and Zero,again why him too? there must be a reason other than the fact that Zero is the princesses love interest)
just to make everyone angry and sad is kinda lame,its more like a bad prank than the motive of a God.
Other than that it seems to have a pretty solid myth with knights,phantoms,magical beings and Gods,though it would be nice to have some more lore on these to flesh out the story even more and make it more rich and believable,to make you feel like this world really exists u know?
For the names.i think it would be better for you to think these on your own
since its a world you created you should know better the kind of names that fit with the worlds theme or if even a theme exists at all.
It would be easier for you if, you had a picture of the world in your mind.
Like,are these gods at war all the time? and do the people experience wars,hunger or suffering in their world? if so then maybe they gave their children meaningful names like "Hope" hoping for a better future or meaning that this child is the only thing keeping their hopes up. (just an example)
Lastly i dont think the story is "too non-final-fantasy-like"
actually i dont even know how you can make the story like that
you just need some goddesses,some knights,some magic,and you are pretty much done.
Still this was interesting and i would like to read more and see what went down.
Alright here are several character profiles, not all of them though. I have Zero, Yeng and Conall "finished." I'm currently working on Roxor's background, and hopefully, I'll get to Shy'ryn and "Daniella." I was more interested in completing Zero, Yeng and Conall's backgrounds, soooo here ya go:
Zero - :
Spoiler:
Zero is, like I said, an orphan. He was born in Palamecia, and he and his family soon moved to Eden, into a nice cottage in the outskirts of the city. When Zero was ten, his parents, elite Midknights, had died in battle, protecting Eden from Bahamut and his rage - a rogue summoner had released Bahamut and tried to have him attack the city, but the Midknights held him back and resealed him into his small crystal orb. Zero's parents were killed before the battle was over, yet they were the leaders of the mission to stop Bahamut. Zero grew up on his own, and in time, he found that he could not make his own living, so he became ill while trying to hunt for food. He collapsed by the river from exhaustion and fatigue due to an unknown sickness he had harbored. He thought he was going to die, and he could have been correct - a Behemoth was approaching him, and it looked incredibly hungry. The Behemoth charged at the half conscious Zero but was struck down by an invisible force.
Despite being half conscious, Zero still noticed a young lady with a veil over her face. She held a scroll and a paintbrush but quickly tucked it away in a pouch as she rushed over to him for aid. Zero looked at her, surprised that someone like her would approach him - it was the princess of Eden. The princess had been walking around Eden and had strayed from the Midknights who were supposed to walk with her. The princess with the power to attack monsters and summon them by simply drawing them on paper was kneeling beside him. She swiftly took out a small bottle and gave it to Zero. "Drink it," she said, for it was a potion. However, Zero could not move. She helped him drink the potion, and in no time, he managed to sit up on his own. He thanked her quietly, still weak, and then she asked for his name. He introduced himself, and the princess had remembered something - his parents, loyal Midknight elites, had died protecting Eden. And so, she offered him this: he could stay the way he is, unable to make a living, or he could help by hunting monsters for their fangs, and he can sell them in a small shop that the princess could have built for him. Gladly, he accepted.
A small shop was built for him, and he sold monster fangs as well as monster pelts. He made a new friend, Train Zexal, and they ran the shop together. Zero had fallen in love with the princess, for not only was she beautiful, but she had saved him from death and made him better his life. He still lived in the outskirts of the city, but he could make a living. He believes that he owes the princess his life, for she saved his. However, lingering in the back of his mind, he thought that Daniella did not better his life FOR him but only to pay respects to his parents; he had never done anything outstanding in Eden afterall - he was a zero. Over time, the princess continually visited Zero's shop, and they quickly became good friends. She would leave a note on her bed and sneak out of the castle just to hang around with him without being followed by Midknights. Four years then passed by, and they had arrived at the point where they both had fallen in love with each other, but of course, there is always something holding them back from saying anything - themselves.
Yeng - :
Spoiler:
Yeng is the older sister of Daniella, the princess of Eden. She and her sister were born in Eden, and ever since she was sixteen, Yeng had been working with the Midknights. However, four years ago, their father had disowned Yeng. Up until she was seventeen, she and her sister had lived a calm life. Sometimes, Yeng would be caught up in the stress of being a Midknight, but other than that, she was at peace most of the time. But upon hearing that only Daniella would be coronated, Yeng was furious because their father utterly refused to have Yeng coronated with her. He despised her nature; her very presence sickened him. He absolutely hated her because he strongly believed that she stole the pendant that the previous princess had possessed.
The princess would always wear a particular pendant - it was a family heirloom, passed down from generation to generation. Inside that pendant was the magical substance called Harmonic Chaos, a substance that was entrusted to the royal family by the goddess of harmony herself. Should it be released from the pendant, it could spell disaster to its surroundings. Should it fall into the wrong hands, it could spell disaster to the entire world. The pendant was always around the princess's neck because the princess, along with the king, are the city's most heavily guarded people, meaning the pendant was safer with the princess.
A monster had accidentally flown away with the pendant, but the pendant was luckily recovered. The king believed Yeng stole the pendant which previously belonged to the previous princess who had yet to hand it down to the next. Yeng and her father got into an intense argument that ended up making Yeng draw her weapon and almost attack the king. He disowned her, and she was no longer considered a princess. This filled her heart with hate and anger, and she lived her life in bitterness. The day Conall was introduced to her, she began to lighten up a bit because the two were assigned to be each other's battle-buddy. They were partners in crime, and they became good friends because they cooperated easily. Their friendship caused Yeng to slowly forget the bitterness that was inside her heart, but that bitterness never went away. Even though Daniella was the only one of the two to be coronated, Yeng is protective over her. Even though Yeng lost her father, she still had her sister - she was the only family she had left, for the king disowned her, and the queen was no longer alive. To Yeng, Daniella means everything to her, and she would gladly lose her life for her if it meant she would be safe. She cared for her deeply despite housing the bitterness that was from the king.
Conall Faolan:
Spoiler:
Conall Faolan is half human, half beast. He was born in Ferrara, the land where humans and mostly anthropomorphic beings reside. His childhood was normal - nothing went wrong; everything went casually by. Despite choking on a fish bone and a couple scrapes from falling and tripping, he lived a non-traumatic life until two years after becoming a Midknight. The day he became blind had changed everything thereafter.
The demi-Phantom Shy'ryn disguised himself as a human, a trainee on his way to becoming a Midknight. The god of chaos ordered him to gather intel on what the Midknights were being taught and what equipment they had, so the god could devise a plan that could have his Phantoms easily get through the wall called Midknights. Shy'ryn posed as a trainee and ended up befriending Conall who was, at the time, another trainee. He believed Conall would be a good person to steal intel from, so he tried to make himself Conall's best friend. Shy'ryn slowly took information from him as the days went by. Then, a month later, he decided that there was enough information gathered, so he ended the mission - one night, when the two were supposed to be on a patrol shift walking around the outskirts of Eden, Shy'ryn was late. Conall was the only one present at that shift, so he acted by himself. A fog then suddenly rolled by, and his field of vision was minimized. Thinking it was the goddess's way of telling him that danger was afoot, he turned back. However, as soon as he turned back, he was attacked by a horde of Phantoms. He quickly fended off the Phantoms with minimal injury.
But Shy'ryn was there, laughing at him, thanking him for giving him intel on the Midknights even though he was not aware. As the last Phantom fell, he decided to finish Conall off. He faced him and swiftly struck through his flesh and the final blow was to his face - he clawed at his eyes, blinding him. Thinking he would die there, he returned to the god with the information, leaving Conall for dead. Luckily, Lyall, Conall's older brother, was able to tell when his little brother was in danger. Lyall, being another elite Midknight, ordered other Midknights to follow him to come to Conall's aid. He found Conall with his eyes attacked, and he rushed him back to the white mages to heal him. His eyes could not be healed though, so instead, he was given a headband for him to wear. It was a prototype, and this was the first time the headband was being tested. Conall was able to keep the headband, and the special thing about that headband was that he was able to see a full 360 degrees. Even though he was blind, he could still see in the end.
Also, the reason the god of chaos wants to kill the princess is because he wants to obtain the pendant that she always has around her neck. If he kills the princess, then not only will he get the pendant but chaos will run amok within the city which is a plus for him. The pendant contains Harmonic Chaos, a magical substance that can spell disaster if it was released from the pendant and used improperly. It can answer to the user's wishes once released from the pendant (so it's a wish-granting thing basically but it has several restrictions such as nothing can be immortal or indestructible, nothing can be killed directly by using this Harmonic Chaos, and it can only grant one wish for the user) but it is used for purifications in Eden, and it is only used by the White Mage of the city even though the princess possesses it. The god of chaos wants to obtain that pendant, release the Harmonic Chaos, wish for the goddess to be weakened greatly and then launch an attack on the world so he can take over. If the goddess can't protect, then the god of chaos can take over. That's the basic gist of his grand motive.
And btw, he does like messing around with society and trolling soooo haha yeah he does like to fuck around for shits and giggles. He is the god of chaos! And he wants to kill Zero as well because he knows Daniella likes him, and even more chaos will spur from his death. He just loves to mess with things and seeing everything suffer. 0_o Also, something I forgot to mention in his background, Zero was given a sword by his father that was given to him by the goddess of harmony herself. Or so he says (and it's true). His father gave Zero a special sword called Angelus, and it somehow is already connected to Zero spiritually. It can only comply with Zero, and should Zero die, the sword becomes useless. However, that sword also contains Harmonic Chaos, so if the sword becomes useless, the Harmonic Chaos will most likely end up in the god of chaos's hands and he could have another bad wish.
Umm, I've also provided some more details on some terms:
- New Harvest Moon: Everyone within the city of Eden gathers at the front of the goddess of harmony's shrine to witness the purification of an animal sacrifice as an offering and a way to pay respect towards the goddess's everlasting protection. The animal sacrifice is restrained and set in the center of the shrine, before the goddess's throne. The city's honorable White Mage approaches the animal sacrifice and casts a series of spells to calm it down before removing its restraints. By using spells, the restraints are removed, and the White Mage begins to cast the purification spell. To complete the purification spell, the White Mage must use the magic within the princess's pendant - Harmonic Chaos. By using Harmonic Chaos, the White Mage can complete the purification, releasing the animal's soul to the realm of eternal slumber: the Divide, where it can rest with the goddess of harmony.
- Harvest Moon Festival: starts on the night of the New Harvest Moon; it is a week-long celebration commemorating another year under the great goddess's protection. The king hosts the celebration while his soldiers, the Midknights, take turns being on guard duty for any suspicious activity that could ruin the celebration.
Let me know if there's anything now that I have to look at and fix. I will also be uploading pictures of the characters that I've drawn - I want that to be criticized as well haha and thank you for helping me by the way!
There's nothing really wrong with the names, besides being weird and overused...
Also, try a naming convention which the meaning of the name itself fits in with the character.
For example, the name Daniella Delacreaux could use some alternations.
'Daniella/Daniela/Danielle' are also derived from Daniel (male) and it means 'God is my Judge'.
... Also Delacreaux needs to be fixed. A similar alternative is 'Delacroix', which is derived from the holy word 'Cross'.
A lil reference study on the web can help you alot.
EDIT;
Yeng? Older sister of Daniella? U CEREAL!?
Here's some suggestions for alternatives.
1. Deifilia - means 'Daughter of God'. Stays on track with Daniella's 'God is my Judge' naming convention.
2. Dea - means 'Goddess'
2a. Deacrucis - means 'Goddess' and 'Cross'
Just some examples.
Last edited by xX_Rain_Xx; Jul 03 2012 at 08:35 AM..
Well, before I change the names, are any of them likable at all?
Also, here are the pictures that I drew of the main character. The second one is colored horribly. I tried to stick to a Dissdia Final Fantasy theme for his artwork, so hopefully he doesn't look half bad for both pictures.
http://ali-masako.deviantart.com/#/d5656b3
The shitty version... it looks like a kindergartner colored this, I know... I don't have Photoshop, and I don't have a scanner or photo copier to make copies of the original drawing so I could color it regardless of how many mistakes I made. Without a scanner or copying machine of some sort, I could either color the original by hand and risk messing up big time on my only copy, or color it on my iPod with an app that has a limited selection of colors to use and make as many mistakes as I want and still be able to undo it. Yeah. I chose my iPod.
I'm open for criticism on these two pictures. But know that I worked hard on both pictures...
I'm open for criticism on these two pictures. But know that I worked hard on both pictures...
Naming characters is probably one of the hardest things to do as a creator or writer, but creating a good name is useless without a good character.
A name, no matter how weird it is, if it matches the character soundly, it will be likeable.
Just take a look at FF character names, for example, Cloud Strife, which pretty much sums up to 'Clouded Conflict', which is exactly who Cloud Strife is. Next, Serah Farron, sums to 'Adventurous Princess', which really supports Serah's role in XIII-2 more than the original (maybe SE had XIII-2 in mind way before...).
Obviously, most people wouldn't know the meanings of names, but for some reason it does help. So just keep that in mind;;
As for your artwork, you have talent, but it lacks something called passion and emotion;; might be a bit weird for you to be able to understand it...
I see your artwork is influenced alot by the Anime concept of 'Durarara', which isn't a bad thing, but now I suggest you to develop your own unique style. Get reference from alot of other sources, study them, see what suits you.
I can't help myself. After watching a lot of a certain anime for a while I start drawing the way the characters have been drawn... it's so weird... as for the artwork I uploaded, I intentionally wanted to have a Dissidia Final Fantasy theme in it.
I can't help myself. After watching a lot of a certain anime for a while I start drawing the way the characters have been drawn... it's so weird... as for the artwork I uploaded, I intentionally wanted to have a Dissidia Final Fantasy theme in it.
It's not at all bad to like something and base it for your own, but take it from me (I'm a amateur character designer), it's a whole lot more fun to draw when you experiment and develop your own style fusion.
Also, I don't really know what this project is to you, as you did mention that this is just a simple project that won't developed on (correct me if I'm wrong). No idea how long you spent on this aswell.
I'm also writing (seriously, as in a real script) a project ever since 2004... So take what I say simply as a friendly critic.
Wow! That's really good! It sorta reminds me of Fang. And my main character also has scarf ends hanging around like that. Again, that's really good. I'm writing a script too, but it's just so hard trying to fill in the middle points of the plot. I actually already have the beginning AND end, but I just have so much trouble trying to create events that are dramatic and appealing to the basic plot of the game.
I've spent a long while on this project, but when I said it won't get developed into something real, I meant I'm not gonna actually submit this stuff to Squeenix and beg for them to use my ideas. No, that's crazy talk - I'm just an amateur! And besides, they're too busy making sequels. =_= And when I said simple, I meant that I was just doing this project for fun.
Help with my video game outline? :>
